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Type And Seek

July 17, 2013

It’s time for another roundup of the more off-beat search terms which have come my way (and in some cases, answers for them!) but before I do that I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has so kindly ordered through my Amazon links. Sadly, all of you have very good taste, so the prospect of somebody giving me a painless summary of Fifty Shades Of Lady Catherine Grey is as far off as ever. I really do appreciate your using the links, and assure you that every bit of the percentage will go towards reading material for this blog.

Now, on to the search terms! I’ll start with a couple that will seem quite vanilla for a blog which receives all sorts of hits for names and titles.

george boleyn
george boleyn fiction

What’s remarkable about these? you ask. Nothing at all, except that I get hits from these two terms an average of seventy times more than any others, including the very ordinary ones. I’ve done the math. For every one hit I get for “mary boleyn” or “mary boleyn fiction” I get seventy for the equivalent about George. Several things are made clear by this: first, that this site is much further down in the results for Mary Boleyn questions, and second, that people really want more information about George Boleyn. It’s getting to the point where I’m seriously considering writing my own novel. This isn’t even counting such searches as

mark smeaton george boleyn
anne and george boleyn affair
lord rochford rapes jane rochford
why did george rape jane parker
george boleyn nasty
george boleyn verses

In which it’s clear that fans of The Tudors are trying to find out more about George Boleyn, Sexually Depraved Rapist Troubador. And to these people, I say — Welcome! I remember reading a novel about Edward II which resulted in some frantically enjoyable late-night Googling as well. And to answer your questions — No, Mark Smeaton and George Boleyn probably didn’t sleep together, Anne Boleyn and George Boleyn probably didn’t sleep together, Jane Boleyn and George Boleyn presumably slept together at some point but there’s no indication that he raped her, but he did write poetry — unfortunately, if any of it survives, it’s not positively identifiable as his.

george boleyn twitter

Here you go! Sadly, George’s tweets aren’t as engaging as they might be. It has the look of an ESL exercise rather than a jeu d’esprit.

Onward!

mary boleyn on a postcard

Eric Ives once told Claire Ridgeway that “What we know about Mary Boleyn could be written on a postcard with room to spare” — if you’re looking for that quote, you can find it here. If you’re looking for actual postcards, Mary Boleyn postcards (along with a large assortment of Anne and various Henrician wives) are available here. Unfortunately, I can find no online trace of my favourite Tudor-related card of all, which I swear I actually saw for sale in the gift shop of the Salt Lake City Main Library circa 2006. On the front was a copy of this Holbein portrait of Henry. Printed inside was “Will You Marry Me?” If I hadn’t already been married, I would have had to rush out and find someone posthaste, just so I could use that card.

why is madge shelton fat

Beats me — the thirty-five meat courses at the average royal dinner could have something to do with it. Fortunately for Madge, plumpness was considered to be an attractive trait then.

mary talbot dwarf

Mary Talbot, who married Henry Percy, has never been described as a dwarf — although she’s been called quite a bit else in fiction. However, Lady Mary Grey, younger sister of Jane Grey, has been popularly supposed to be a dwarf, though technically that may not have been the case (an ambassadorial description described her as “little, crook-backed and very ugly” so she may have had a spinal problem which kept her small and lopsided). She appears in quite a few novels which I haven’t read yet (I know it sounds ridiculous considering the blog’s premise, but I find the Grey sisters and their fates depressing and dull — hardly their fault, but it doesn’t make me want to pick up any novels about them, although Her Highness, The Traitor was a glorious exception).

mary boleyn betray anne over henry percy

You know, I have to say that’s one plot twist I’ve never encountered. Jane Boleyn as traitorous relative, yes, but if Mary has ever spilled the beans on Anne and Percy I haven’t seen it. If you’re writing a novel, please do go ahead and put that in, I’d love to read it.

anne boleyn blow job
mary boleyn blow job

Ah yes, that French education. The Secret Diary Of Anne Boleyn has Anne being instructed by Mary on the “French technique” of the beej, and The Other Boleyn Girl has more nebulous references to “French practices.” What the real Mary and Anne did or didn’t do is, thankfully, long forgotten.

english heroine who slept her way through nobility while pining for the man she could never have

Read it. You’ll be glad you did. You’ll also curse the fate that birthed you in a different century than Charles II.

joke mayan sexpot

…You got me.

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From → Miscellaneous

2 Comments
  1. Clare permalink

    The Boleyns excellency in blow jobs just goes to show how important patents are. If they had patented the balloon in the first place then history would have been completely different. It’s a lesson to us all.
    I’m so pleased that you’re getting confirmation there’s interest in George. Despite The Tudors and Mantel it gives you confidence in the intelligence and curiosity of the human race. I think ultimately people like to see justice especially when injustice is doled out by someone who should really stick to radio.

    • sonetka permalink

      Eh, I think George — or rather, the idea of him — is just going through a low point right now — he had a pretty good run until the 1980s. Rather like Thomas More, he’s had a bad couple of decades but I’m sure will eventually be rebirthed as a heroic character :).

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